Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
