I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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