Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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