reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
