if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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