mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
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I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
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Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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