So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
