Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
