I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
