Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
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If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
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so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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