I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
