I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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