Apparently you make a good broom.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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