I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
