She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
