I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
