I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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