his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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