so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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