yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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