I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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