dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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