with your own penis?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
