i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Randomize
