our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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