Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants