First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.