...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar