She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.