Texts From Last Night

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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.

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  (775): I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again. http://tfl.nu/wdl0
  Replies (10) Good night (1786) Bad night (529)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  you can....by speaking....

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  (401): i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook (1-401): you can....by speaking.... http://tfl.nu/42zu
  Replies (16) Good night (2342) Bad night (2764)
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  (619): View more from California

  after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.

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  (619): after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible. http://tfl.nu/hzvs
  Replies (18) Good night (6860) Bad night (697)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.

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  (709): I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea. http://tfl.nu/at1w
  Replies (16) Good night (1146) Bad night (2809)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...

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  (763): lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab... http://tfl.nu/1m3b
  Replies (2) Good night (1501) Bad night (2691)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.

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  (908): was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone. http://tfl.nu/nbte
  Replies (12) Good night (1162) Bad night (3999)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub

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  (918): Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub http://tfl.nu/8dtz
  Replies (8) Good night (2023) Bad night (1060)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.

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  (215): I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse. http://tfl.nu/a9fq
  Replies (6) Good night (1544) Bad night (790)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop

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  (217): She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop http://tfl.nu/g9k9
  Replies (6) Good night (1917) Bad night (637)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.

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  (518): Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes. http://tfl.nu/4mei
  Replies (10) Good night (1556) Bad night (491)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.

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  (862): The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different. http://tfl.nu/flvh
  Replies (3) Good night (297) Bad night (750)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that

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  (425): It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that http://tfl.nu/4xxj
  Replies (2) Good night (476) Bad night (267)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you

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  (425): YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you http://tfl.nu/ds9i
  Replies (1) Good night (414) Bad night (194)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I can't help that I bring out the sex in people

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  (518): I can't help that I bring out the sex in people http://tfl.nu/k6ds
  Replies (1) Good night (695) Bad night (236)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.

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  (618): I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night. http://tfl.nu/847z
  Replies (0) Good night (484) Bad night (285)

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