Texts From Last Night

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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood

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  (330): Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood http://tfl.nu/kses
  Replies (4) Good night (4051) Bad night (681)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.

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  (314): So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present. http://tfl.nu/xf6g
  Replies (792) Good night (7912) Bad night (111411)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.

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  (817): matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere. http://tfl.nu/fb8z
  Replies (6) Good night (2351) Bad night (795)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"

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  (404): its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock" http://tfl.nu/i9yu
  Replies (28) Good night (2815) Bad night (594)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber

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  (630): i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber http://tfl.nu/rpg1
  Replies (21) Good night (705) Bad night (4082)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM

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  (330): mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM http://tfl.nu/ia9w
  Replies (27) Good night (8647) Bad night (877)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.

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  (678): his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him. http://tfl.nu/quex
  Replies (24) Good night (6006) Bad night (1280)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...

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  (425): Come, dress lightly, bring tequila... http://tfl.nu/t2fe
  Replies (6) Good night (2252) Bad night (1174)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  We should reintroduce naked Mondays

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  (662): We should reintroduce naked Mondays http://tfl.nu/agz2
  Replies (7) Good night (2372) Bad night (811)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."

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  (248): There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding." http://tfl.nu/ytsu
  Replies (5) Good night (1825) Bad night (1188)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?

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  (201): Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/of56
  Replies (30) Good night (7089) Bad night (887)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.

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  (403): I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave. http://tfl.nu/rhln
  Replies (4) Good night (659) Bad night (363)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies

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  (504): I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies http://tfl.nu/3ufe
  Replies (6) Good night (355) Bad night (674)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  What? How can you say that? You won!

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  (813): The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before. (1-813): What? How can you say that? You won! http://tfl.nu/a7ws
  Replies (5) Good night (883) Bad night (293)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.

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  (724): I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever. http://tfl.nu/5x63
  Replies (0) Good night (449) Bad night (221)

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