you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
