He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
