You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
