Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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