saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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