I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
