nut hugger
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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