I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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