I'm gonna have a badass scar
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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