Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
