Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
