Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
