Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
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making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
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Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling