I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
