Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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