I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Congratulations! We have a period
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