He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
