Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
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We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
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I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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