i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
