oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
