Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
