I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
