he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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