I think I died a long time ago.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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