let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
