She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
