And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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