she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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