i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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