...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
