i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
