that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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