Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
