just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
