I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
