i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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