"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
