If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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