I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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