Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
