I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he fucked my hip out of place.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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