My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
