I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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