you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
