sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
