She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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