I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
